A SHADOW WORLD IN AN EXISTENTIAL SPHERE

My life`s journey began in a family where philosophy and literature played central roles in forming the cultural atmosphere. From serious discussions about existential and social-political questions to classical literature of the world were the backbone of my upbringing since childhood. My parents sought truth through accumulation of information and knowledge across all cultures of the world, which kept my eyes open for truths beyond the traditional religion which dominated the cultural basis of the Indian society. In our family there was more emphasis on scientific rationality instead of superstitious beliefs and practices of people. Images of gods and goddesses, or religious gurus or sadhus had no place in our home.

In this atmosphere of atheism, I developed my own queries of personal nature. Already at a very early age, a “shadow world” rose and walked by my side. Though there existed no gods and goddess, I got signals from an invisible world, which was only perceivable by the extrasensory power of the mind. “Someone” invisible and unknowable was suggesting ideas and thoughts pertaining to a spiritual world where one`s own mind was the only gateway to enter. Thus spirituality appeared silently without my own conscious acknowledgment of the divine power. Divinity moved as a part of my own existence and existence of things and phenomena which embraced all living and non-living beings. In my childhood this presence of the other world did not bother me and I was not specially concerned about it.  It created only a curiosity about a hidden world. I never talked about this personal world to anyone.

As I grew up, this hidden realm started emerging in the forms of words and creation of artworks of a child. The unknown and the invisible being swirled in the mind to create lines and forms as works of arts, which were not consciously planned or conceived. These art works were like representation of the inner self becoming visible in the outer world - as if the shadowy companion, who had been following me from my early childhood, was trying to communicate more directly. The same communication also appeared through words in the forms of poems and philosophical thoughts.

As I stepped into adulthood I was introduced to existential writers and philosophers by my father and an elder brother - both of whom were enamoured of western philosophies and literature. Existentialism introduced the ideas of freedom of acting and living in an otherwise meaningless world, devoid of God and higher being . Absurdity of life was also an overwhelming theme in such literature.

While the shadow world swirled in the mind as a phenomenon of the unconscious, and the existential quest for meaning and freedom shattered beliefs in anything divine or spiritual, life soon became an arena of the opposites, which contradicted each other. They did not allow the mind to perch on any deep conviction. At that time I sought a refuge in the knowledge of the cosmos with a hope that  it may give a shelter against this contradiction.

A PROCESS OF WAKING UP

While the spirit undulated as “psychological waves”, the mystery of the cosmos allured, and nothingness and meaninglessness arising from a conscious striving to connect with the reality confused the mind, I pursued a career as a theoretical physicist and left for Norway as a researcher in the field of Nuclear Physics. There the mountainous landscape surrounding the fjords and the beauty of nature healed much of the pains and wounds created by the existential darkness and nothingness. The light in this Nordic zone helped me to wake up and appreciate the light of nature and one`s relation to the wholeness. The imperceptible and the invisible world lifted its veils and started fusing in the visible and perceptible sphere. Heaven and Earth started merging as one in my mind.

Though a physicist, I remained in contacts with the inner being by continuing writing poems and creating art works as I had done since my childhood. The non-scientific activities became a gate to enter a mysterious sphere - a “self” which was not known to me. Through works of arts and poems I could see “myself” entering a realm of light which was different from the light which illumined the physical world. Thus contradictions with rational world intensified.

When these contradictions became intense and I felt ripped off and torn by streams as a helpless creature floating in an ocean I could not gauge, a catastrophe changed the course of my life in a totally new way. I faced the deaths of two most beloved persons of my life - our only son and and my father who was the mentor of my life. The shocks were tremendous. It shattered all. I woke up and started a spiritual journey of life. It brought me to territories of experiences which I could not discerned before.

The inner being now appeared as a friend and a guide and led me through different realms of the mind. By leading me through this journey the Guide made me understand the meaning of the reality in which all life was bound. Thus my perspective to look at the reality changed; the meaning of living took a different meaning; freedom which I once sought in existentialism appeared as an illusion of an ignorant mind. This journey opened the vision of an enlightened way. With it the mystery of the creation of the universe unravelled and thus transformed all what I had learnt as a scientist before. It was like encountering God and seeing God in a physical form.

SUMMARY OF THE PERSONAL JOURNEY AND A SPIRITUAL WAY

After making this journey what have I learnt? How have I arrived at the views and understandings of life, God and cosmos which have turned a turbulent stormy ocean into a stream of tranquility and peace?

I shall present in this site a summary of

• My understanding of the cosmos and our position in it
• My perspectives about the nature of human will and its relations to the world and what is the meaning of freedom in this world-bound manifestation of will?
• How do I conceive reality as projection of consciousness arising at different levels of experiences and what is the goal and meaning of living in such reality where all life are immersed?
• What could be the foundation of values and morals in the sphere of acting and living with other human beings who may be the foundation of happiness or fear in life,  and interacting with the nature which may give shelter and nourish us or threaten our life?
• What is my experience and understanding of God? How would I describe my personal sphere of spirituality?
•  In which way my spirituality is directed to serve human beings?
• How do I wish to engage in the society and how do I intend to direct my spirituality for bringing social evolution and change? And what would be the primary goal of what I call an enlightened social-political order?
• How, those who seek higher evolution of man, may act and live to bring forth these changes?

NEXT: About will and world